The Chronicles of Rafeeat in Elementary School. Part 1
By: Rafeeat Bishi
Reading and hearing more about experiences in elementary school made me realize how a lot of stuff that happened to me could have been (or was) racially motivated. Here's one
In elementary school I had a teacher that I (thought) I loved until I had other teachers (it was kindergarten). She was this really young white woman. It wasn't until a while later that I realized it was pretty toxic in terms of her teaching methods. She was not very empathetic and rarely exhibited the qualities that typical elementary school teachers should have. She was very impatient and unhelpful many times.
In Kindergarten (mind you, I was one of maybe 2 or 3 black kids in class and best friends with the only other black boy in class), I'd wear my hair in braids everyday.
One day I wore my natural hair in a puff that my mom did. When I walked into class, my classmates had the whoaaaa, your hair! (You know, the normal reactions FIVE year olds would have).
I didn't think any of it cause we were kids and nobody was being mean. When I sat down for my reading circle however, my teacher saw my hair. When she looked at me she said "oh.my.gosh. what happened to your hair" and made a snarky (almost disgusted) ,stunned looked. I'm pretty sure that was the first and last time I wore my natural hair to school for years. I mean YEARS. This is one of the reasons I still feel very uncomfortable when people mention my hair, even if it's a compliment. The feeling that me and so many little black girls with natural hair have to feel ostracized and maybe ridiculed in their classes is disheartening. Thinking of her other acts (apparently last year she told a disabled kid she didn't think he'd make it to second grade), I'm honestly contemplating going to her when I graduate and let her know the terrible effect she had on my (and other students) self-esteem. And show her the amazing progress I've made on my own.
It may sound as if I'm over-exaggerating, but your first school teacher is not supposed to make the school environment one that is uncomfortable for little kids. Especially if they have control.
Yeah I will idc anymore she needs to hear it, I'll go pay her a visit. I'm not going to do anything bad don't be alarmed, but a simple conversation will suffice. Ms. Stein I'm talking to you.
*Next week: Second Grade. I got tea for this one.
Sometimes things are said to us when we are younger and it goes unnoticed until an older age. I had many instances in the middle school when I felt like people judged me for my hair. Okay, maybe it did not look the best. But teachers aren’t supposed to make you uncomfortable with the thought of wearing your natural hair. I would straighten my hair a lot because I thought coming to this country the people at school would like me if my hair like theirs. Which is really stupid when I think about it today. My teachers would only compliment my hair when I had in braids or straightened my hair so I thought that was what they liked. It's also good that you are brave enough to confront the issue.
ReplyDeleteSaaaame. I would wear my hair in braids and whenever it was straightened I'd get compliments. Whenever my hair was in a puff or bun people would tell me "your hair looked better before" -_-.
DeleteWow I was there while you were writing this. What I wanna know is, do you think she will remember this interaction and apologize to you, assuming that she knows better now? I feel like teachers with a lot of racial bias should be anywhere but elementary school because kids at that age are super impressionable and have minimal understanding of the world around them. Racist teachers in general shouldn't be working, but we can't really prevent that, and at least with older kids, there's a higher chance that it won't affect them as much as it would younger ones.
ReplyDeleteKnowing her she'll probably be like "what are you talking about" or "sorry if I offended you".
DeleteAnd idk if she knows better because just last year she was being rude to a disabled student
DeleteI am really sad you had the experience, especially as such a young student. My kindergarten and first grade teacher were the most perfect teachers I have ever had and I actually visited them. What is interesting was, I recently went back in October and I paid attention to whether or not, the love I had for them was sincere. By this, I mean I was curious to see if they were subtly being racist to me or ever made me feel small along with other students. There were several black and hispanic students and the one that I spent the most time with, did not come off as racist. She was helpful towards all students and she wasn't "fake." I appreciated that even years later, I could still look back and consider her a genuine teacher.
ReplyDeleteAs for your hair, big meep. I am sorry you felt like it wasn't beautiful and you are hesitant even now to wear it. I genuinely love all styles of hair and like to take care of mine and love learning about the different hairstyles I can or cannot do, as well as for others. Rafeeat, not to be corny but, I genuinely admire how strong willed you are. Not just in this case, but in school and socially. I think that you can overcome the feeling of uncertainty and wear your hair as you feel comfortable, or step outside the box. Both are appreciated. This is the time when we grow and learn more about ourselves. You are not exaggerating your feelings, they are justified because they are yours!! I appreciate you sharing a personal story !!!
Thank you! I think it's great that you had a good experience with your teachers, that's what I hope for all students. I remember my teacher playing favorites and treating some other students with an attitude, in my opinion if you're not ready to teach all students equally you should learn or not be a teacher. And yeah my self-esteem is a lot better but elementary school was tuff.
DeleteNice story. This reminds me of how people think its cute to greet me by touching my hair. How is that even, what is wrong. Out of everything ever, a hug, handshake, etc. But no, they want to touch my hair AND frizz it around. Like what. Looking forward to secodn grade.
ReplyDeleteYeahhh, I still very actively remember my kindergarten teacher. She was very high energy and I remember her having no patience. My mom actually thinks I get my energy from her. I recently saw my kindergarten teacher aide and she explained to me that the teacher was not qualified for the job and was later fired. I think this goes to show how some schools don't properly hire their staff
ReplyDelete